Department of Homeland Security:

Complete Lack of Ties Between Fort Hood Shooter and Ron Paul "Suspicious."

Washington, DC.  (BNSE): In an update on the investigation into the Foot Hood Massacre, the Department of Homeland Security briefed the press on its ongoing efforts, and highlighted several pieces of "possible leads" into the motivations of shooter, Army Major Nidal Malik Hasan.

According to a high ranking Homeland Security Official, "While the investigation is still in its preliminary phases, we have discovered a startling correlation between the complete and total lack of contact between Major Hasan and Ron Paul, his Presidential Campaign, or any know entity related to any American third political party or conservative group identified by this Department as a source of potential domestic terrorism.  Major Hasan donated no funds to any of these persons or organizations, did not visit their websites, collect or read their literature, or indicate in any way support for their issues or causes.

"After careful consideration, we have no other choice than to view this evidence as suspicious in the highest degree and worthy of further investigation.  In fact, further investigation into these organizations will be our chief focus as we work to prevent further potential terrorist attacks in the United States."

The official offered further evidence of Major Hasan's connection to various American libertarian and conservative movements.  "According to multiple sources," explained the official.  "At the inception of his attack in Fort Hood, the assailant allegedly shouted 'Allah-hu Akhbar.'  Our team of translators at the Department of Homeland Security have determined this phrase is a perverted right wind radical code for 'All Who Acknowledge Bob Barr as a Viable Political Voice Will Not be Shot.'  In light of this incontrovertible evidence, we have issued a memo to all domestic civilian police forces to give heightened scrutiny to anyone displaying the American flag, exhibiting an even passing understanding of their civil rights, or simply not doing what they are told with a big enough grin on their faces.'

"Where there's smoke there's fire," the Official concluded.  "Even a cursory scan of Major Hasan's computer showed days upon days of no contact between the accused and these known sources of potential domestic terrorism.  No act of this nature occurs in a vacuum.  This Department will tirelessly pursue and investigate this incident until the links between Hasan and these dangerous groups can be proved."

The Official declined to comment on the actual contents of Major Hasan's computer files or any other potential links between the accused and other groups on grounds that such a release "would be insensitive."

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