Yes, Virginia, There is Global Warming.

White House Unveils New GM Concept Cars. American Capitalism Gone with a Whimper. California Supreme Court Celebrates Being in Charge. Congress Commemorates Four Days of Pelosi Not Saying Anything Stupid. Bernanke:  "I was not in Denial.  I was LYING." NIAGARA COURTS RULING: Taser use to obtain DNA not unconstitutional New York Man Guilty of Dying Without License. Ambulance Gets Between Cops and Donuts. Billionaires Coordinate Who To Screw Over Next. California Supreme Court Celebrates Being in Charge. Pelosi Blames Water Boarding Gaffs on Small Airplane. MPAA Fight On-Line Piracy With Year of Crappy Movies. Malawian Court Affirms Rights of Rich to Do Anything They Want. White House Praises Misleading Economic Statistics. Mass Urination at White House Press Briefing. Carbon Emissions Destroying the Sun! Oil Companies Demand Stimulus Package. Obama Offers Idaho as Collateral on US Debt to China. EVERYTHING Declared Illegal DHS Head Declares Anyone Who Does Not Like Her New Haircut "a potential terrorist." Best News Site EVER! Scoops the Main Stream Media! Independence Day Cancelled for Michael Jackson Funeral Pay Per View. White House Losing Patience with North Korea. Iranian Supreme Leader Certifies Election Results:  "Allah Voted 50 million times." Banks to Accept Children's Virginity in Lieu of Mortgage Payment. White House Names Czar Czar Baseball Expands Strike Zone to Two Feet in Front of Home Plate. Obama Uses Jedi Mind Trick to Reverse Falling Popularity. Republicans Demand Military Action.  "Old War Getting Boring." Capitol Hill Vandalized by Ghosts of Founding Fathers!!! NASA Cures Insomnia! Fed Taps OJ Simpson to Investigate "The REAL Culprits" Behind Financial Collapse Conservative Talk Radio:  Corporations Selling Employees' Internal Organs "God's Will." The Best News Site EVER! Operation Nark Contest! Al Gore Complains Supporters Making Him Look Stupid. Critical Thinking Declared Mental Disorder. Californians Pose as Illegal Immigrants to Get Affordable Healthcare. Republicans Blame Reckless Living for 60% of Bankrupcies. Congress Places Bill of Rights Up for Auction on EBay. Airport Screener Suspended for "Blatent Friendliness." Peace Offering Backfires!  White House Not Amused by Cambridge Police's Gift of Colt 45 and Ripple. Movie Studios Blame California Wild Fires on File Sharing. Palin Announces Post Gubernatorial Agenda.  "I Will Find Elvis to Help Fight the Zombie Menace!" EPA:  Free Speech Causes Global Warming! Stocks Soar on News of Record Suicide Rate. Congress Bans Ben Gay and Electric Scooters at Town Hall Meetings! Capitol Hill Panic!  Congress Cannot Find Buttocks!  Both Hands and Funnels Prove Ineffective. Republican Healthcare Alternative Composed of Random Twitter Posts! ACORN Releases "Housing Seminars Gone Wild" Promo Video! Administration Assures Allies, "Iranian Nukes Would Only be Used Against Jews." Conservatives Disappointed with Palin Book.  Thought "Going Rogue" Referred to Wearing Underwear. Six Explode After Taking Swine Flu Vaccine! UK Releases All Paedophiles From Prison on Humanitarian Grounds! "Screw Everyone But Me!" to  Replace "In God We Trust." on Dollar Bill. "Who Gives a Crap" Triumphs in Election Returns. Chicago Schools Declare Gang Warfare Intramural Sport. Courts:  Police Authority Can Be Transmitted Via Semen! Department of Homeland Security:  Complete Lack of Ties Between Fort Hood Shooter and Ron Paul "Suspicious." Obama Dejected:  "I Went to Europe for the Olympics, and All I Got Was This Stupid Peace Prize." Pelosi Demands 60,000 Troops in War with Fox News. Congressional Republicans Deny Irrelevancy:  "T*ts on a Bull Would be VERY Useful." Nation Breathes Sigh of Relief.  Abducted Child Actually Some Black Kid. "Where's the Christmas Spirit?"  Retailers Bemoan Decline in Shopping Related Deaths. Yes, Virginia, There is Global Warming. Atheists Announce Santa Alternative.  Godless Joe Will "Amuse and Delight." White House:  Fort Hood Massacre Not Terrorism.  "Simply a Case of Islamic Involuntary Assisted Suicide" Dems Blame Massachusetts Election Results on "Larger Than Average Penis." Schools Urge Expansion of Zero Tolerance Policies. Palin Inspires Tea Party Audience with "Tell Off" Stories. GM Announces the Biodegradable Car. High School Seniors to Receive Valuable Lessons in Bureaucratic Incompetence and Arbitrary Abuse of Power. California Professors Compare 4% Pay Cut to Holocaust Wounded Rapist Demands Tougher Gun Control Laws. Census Bureau Sued for Unfair Labor Practices. Banks Foreclose on Hell!  Satan Moves to Winter Residence at Scientology World Headquarters. Polish President Killed in Foggy Airline Crash!  Polish Joke Council Meets in Emergency Session! “Resist and Refuse” The Health Care Bill: Real Patriots Taking Real Actions Against ObamaCare  LA Neo-Nazis Amuse Protesters with Denials of Closet Homosexuality. Medical Breakthrough!  Airport Full Body Scans Have Effect "Similar to Viagra." Supreme Court Rules Constitution Unconstitutional. Minor Injuries in Pancake House Explosion!  Muslim Saw Image of Muhammad in French Toast Special. US Mint Offers Service Industry State Quarter Collection.  "A Salute to Low Pay, Long Hours, Crappy Benefits, and Non Transferable Skills." Erectile Dysfunction Clinic Cuts Off Man's Legs! Terrorists Win!  Bin Laden "Pleasantly Surprised" with 9-11 Show Trial in New York.

Yes, Virginia, There is Global Warming.







"DEAR EDITOR: I am 48 years old.
"Some of my conservative friends say there is no Global Warming.
"The UN says, 'If you see it in a peer reviewed journal it's so.'
"Please tell me the truth; is there Global Warming?

"VIRGINIA O'HANLON.
"115 WEST NINETY-FIFTH STREET."




VIRGINIA, your conservative friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe except [what] they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their rational minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men's or children's, are rational. That is why we have public schools!  To reduce these rational minds of ours to the level of a mere insect, an ant, in our intellect, as compared with the boundless world about us, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, VIRGINIA, there is Global Warming. It exists as certainly as an effective United Nations and a peaceful Iranian nuclear program and a million jobs saved exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Global Warming. It would be as dreary as if there were no political correctness! There would be faith then, poetry, romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would not be extinguished.

Not believe in Global Warming! You might as well not believe in fairies! You might get your government to hire scientists to watch in all the weather stations in the world to catch Global Warming, but even if they did see temperatures coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Global Warming, but that is no sign that there is no Global Warming. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see conservative 'potential terrorists' dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You may tear apart the baby's body and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart. Only a lack of faith, fancy, individualism, love, and commitment to the Constitution, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, VIRGINIA, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Global Warming! Thank any deity but God! it lives, and it lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, it will continue to make glad the hearts of all unethical scientists seeking government grants.


© 2009 Best News Site EVER!
www.best-news-site-ever.com

"Yes, Viginia. There is a Santa Claus."
Francis Pharcellus (1897).