Carbon Emissions Destroying the Sun!
Man Made Carbon Emissions Destroying the Sun!
Ft. Lauderdale, FL (BNSE): The sun is quiet, and civilization is to blame, claim United Nations climatic experts in a report to NASA (The National Aeronautic Space Administration) earlier this week.
According to the report, "The solar cycle peaked in 1998, coincidentally the one of the hottest summers in the Northern Hemisphere in the last century, and has been slowly declining as part of the sun's normal 11 year cycle. However, over the past two years, the predicted increase in solar activity has not occurred, and this committee concludes this event has played a direct part in the steadily declining global temperatures over the past decade.
"After an extensive review of all available research, this committee finds no other explanation to this phenomena other than man made carbon emissions and global warming are adversely effecting the sun. There can be no natural explanation. Since 1998, global carbon emissions have increased by at least 6%. This is the only variable the Committee views is relevant in this case. Cooler, more temperate temperatures as part of a natural cycle are just another aspect of the devastation global warming is inflicting on out planet."
BNSE obtained an exclusive interview with Pierre Defey, Chairperson of the Climatic Commitee. When asked how the Committee can explain man made carbon emmissions crossing the 93 million miles of the vacuum of space to reach the sun, he replied, "This isn't the time to quibble of semantics. The fact is the sun is abnormally quiet, and that simply cannot happen on its own. We did it. Our reckless consumption of fossil fuels did it. To waste time trying to research the actual mechanism of this change is simply reckless. Our planet and very lives are at stake and we simply cannot wait to take action."
As to the possible impact of this sun spot free period continuing, Defey replied, "This year, the Northern Hemisphere is suffering through a period of calm, pleasant, beautiful weather. If this trend continues, if we do not alter every aspect of our lives to cut our carbon footprints no matter what the cost, we could have pleasant summer weather for decades to come. This is global warming at its worse. We are living the nightmare today."
In closing, BNSE asked Mr. Defey to comment on the many scientists who charge that the Climatic Committee's research is shoddy and conclusions based more on political agendas than actual science. Mr. Defey remained adamant that global warming was responsible for the cooling of the Earth, and destruction of the sun. According to Defey, "The debate on global warming is over. Man made carbon emissions have been proved to be responsible for everything from rising sea levels to male pattern baldness. Why is is such a stretch to think they could also impact the sun? The Committee is confident that future research will validate our claims, and silence our critics who are nothing but shills for the lawn dart, badminton set, and gas grill industries who are all reaping huge profits from the devastation reaped from all this nice weather."
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