Conservative Talk Radio: Corporations Selling Employees' Internal Organs "God's Will."
Conservative Talk Radio: Corporations Selling Employees' Internal Organs "God's Will."
Conservative talk radio hosts around the country supported the controversial practice of major multinational corporations requiring employees to sell their internal organs on the international black market in an effort to support sagging profits. The overall consesus of America's talkers was, "[This is] The Free enterprise system at it best," and "God's Will."
The controversy came to light with the release of this transcript from a recent Corporate Employee Training Retreat in New Jersey:
CEO: "Well, folks, profits are down and things are getting rough. 2nd quarter doesn't look any better than the 1st."
Employees: "Awwww....."
CEO:
"Fortunately, I have personally pioneered a plan that will improve our
margins, provide the company a vehicle of ongoing business success and
further develop and enhance the paradigm of our business plan. As
founder of the plan, the fiduciary benefits of the model will be born
largely by myself, however, each and every one of you will benefit as
well in some way that I cannot quite articulate at the moment, however,
is nonetheless very real and groundbreaking."
Employees: "???"
CEO:
"In keeping with our core values, competencies, and Mission Statement,
we have decided that since God gave everyone two kidneys, he must have
wanted everyone to sell one of them. Since most of you have ignored
the Almighty's will in this matter, the Corporate Governance Committee
has decided to facilitate your inclusiveness and sensitivity
development by requiring every employee to sell one of their kidneys on
the 3rd World black market with the proceeds benefiting the Corporate
general fund. You will be happy to know that your company sponsored
health plan will cover a full 20% of the costs of this procedure after
deductibles and copays, and will offer every associate three unpaid
days of leave for recovery. Please visit one of the gentlemen with the
hacksaws at the back of the auditorium on your way back to work to have
your extra, rather useless kidney removed, and receive your free 'I
love my job' lapel pin."
Harry Bibliosmaker, host of "Better than Rush," a syndicated talk show out of Milwaukee, said, "I could not agree more with the CEO. Too many people are running around crying about losing their jobs, homes and futures. If they want to keep their jobs, they are going to have to do more than just showing up and working hard, long, hours every day. They need to get some skin in the game. Or, in this case, internal organ tissues."
Chris Alliswell, the host of "Much Better than Rush," out of Cleveland said, "This is the same Socialist propaganda that was spread last year when people got all worked up about about CEO's videotaping their employees in the bathrooms getting electricuted through the toilet seats. Sure, there is a lot of legal mumbo jumbo out there about this being an invasion of privacy, or even illegal assult. Sure, the cameras were hidden and the electric shocks caused burns, but if the employees knew it was coming, or the shock of less intensity, it would not have been nearly as funny. What? In the New America, CEO's don't have the right to be amused anymore?"
Quinton Suffraget, host of "Much, Much, MUCH Better than Rush," said, "It's very clear that God wanted all his chidlren to give selflessly of themselves, without any regard to return or reward to help others. I am pressed very hard to think of a better way of fulfilling this duty than shortening your lifespan to advance the short term goals of a multi-billion dollar corporation that could not care whether you live or die."
And, Bill Manatarms, host of "Better than Rush, All Those Guys, and Hannity COMBINED," said, "What nobody is looking at is the fact that in Canada or England, you just couldn't walk to the back an auditorium and have your organs removed. NO! You would have to wait for weeks, maybe months until the Socialist Health System could 'fit you in.' By that time, your corportation's profits might have dropped a hundreth, even a tenth of percent, costing your CEO millions in bonuses.
"American need to realize that we are at a crossroads. Obama is trying to take away every American's fundamental rights under the Consitution and leave us all faceless slaves of an unnamed elite. We need to understand that big business can do all of this and more, too. Just much more cheaply and efficiently."
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