White House Losing Patience with North Korea.
White House Losing Patience with North Korea.
Washington, DC (BNSE): In an exclusive interview with Best News Site EVER! early this afternoon, President Barack Obama indicated his Administration was, "Losing patience," with the Communist dictatorship governing North Korea.
According to President Obama, "We have an aggressive agenda of change planned for all aspects of American government and life. Right now, the two most pressing issues are getting health care reform and green energies legislation passed, so this country can get back to the business of creating 21st Century jobs for a 21st Century workforce. The problem is there is just too much attention being paid to what is actually in these legislative initiatives. Even Democratic Congresspeople are taking the time to read these bills and are discovering that they are so packed full of special interest perks and pork funding, they are getting worried that they are not getting their fair cut of the corruption. This type of thinking can only delay the economic recovery for 95% of all Americans and possibly permanently prevent my personal supporters and special interests from getting their fair share of the American Dream.
"This is where, I honestly have to say, I am disappointed in North Korea. They have been going on and on for months about going to war this, building more nuclear weapons that... But all we've seen are a few crappy missile tests. What we need from them is a major distraction so we can push these critical initiatives through Congress when nobody is watching. Like we did with both Patriot Acts, the bank bailout, the Stimulus Package, and my 2010 Federal Budget.
"Ideally, North Korea would return to the Six Party talks on Monday. North Korea could storm out of the meeting on Tuesday threatening the end of the world or something like that. Then, on Wednesday, Thursday, at the latest, some kind of major international incident will take place and the whole world will watch. That would give us at least all day Friday to get our special interest groups together to write the legislation, and urge immediate action from Congress before the weekend. Worse case scenario, we'd have to alter the language of the bill from what the Houses of Congress approved and print it overnight Friday, and then have the full House and Senate approve the measures Saturday morning before anyone has a chance to read them. This would give the Representatives and Senators ample time to return home to their constituencies and schedule appearances on the Sunday morning talk shows to give their vital insights on the North Korean crisis.
"Monday morning, I sign the bill, and BAM! America has change it can believe in."
When asked if expediting controversial legislation was worth the deaths of thousands, if not millions in an unpredictable, possibly nuclear confrontation, the President was emphatic, "In not way are we planning on allowing any conflict on the Korean Peninsula escalating to nuclear war. However, if the unthinkable happens, this Administration is prepared to stick to its agenda of change and bring tax cuts to 95% of all Americans. If North Korea would launch a nuclear strike, I imagine the military would try to dominate my time all week. In that case, the Congressional Leadership and I plan on lumping both the health care and green energies legislation into one omnibus emergency Homeland Security Bill.
"It would actually work out even better that way. It would be considered insensitive to talk about politics and pending legislation when millions are dying, so I would not have to talk about the legislation until at least Tuesday or Wednesday of the next week. By that time, with all the little 'extras' we'll toss in the Omnibus, people will be lucky not to have a little microchip implanted in their *sses that shocks them whenever they ask a question I don't like."
Administration officials are stepping up their rhetoric in response to North Korea's apparent unwillingness to act on their bellicose threats to the international community. In a private communique sent by Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, to North Korea's United Nation Ambassador, she stated, "I have no idea why you are perpetually allowing your great nation to look foolish in the eyes of the international community. All I know is that if my husband was the leader of your great nation, I KNOW what he would do. But, perhaps he is a bit more... ... masculine than you."
Vice President, Joe Biden, was more blunt, "[To the North Korean government] Come on, Nancy! Let's see what you got! Sissy! Sissy!"
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