About

White House Unveils New GM Concept Cars. American Capitalism Gone with a Whimper. California Supreme Court Celebrates Being in Charge. Congress Commemorates Four Days of Pelosi Not Saying Anything Stupid. Bernanke:  "I was not in Denial.  I was LYING." NIAGARA COURTS RULING: Taser use to obtain DNA not unconstitutional New York Man Guilty of Dying Without License. Ambulance Gets Between Cops and Donuts. Billionaires Coordinate Who To Screw Over Next. California Supreme Court Celebrates Being in Charge. Pelosi Blames Water Boarding Gaffs on Small Airplane. MPAA Fight On-Line Piracy With Year of Crappy Movies. Malawian Court Affirms Rights of Rich to Do Anything They Want. White House Praises Misleading Economic Statistics. Mass Urination at White House Press Briefing. Carbon Emissions Destroying the Sun! Oil Companies Demand Stimulus Package. Obama Offers Idaho as Collateral on US Debt to China. EVERYTHING Declared Illegal DHS Head Declares Anyone Who Does Not Like Her New Haircut "a potential terrorist." Best News Site EVER! Scoops the Main Stream Media! Independence Day Cancelled for Michael Jackson Funeral Pay Per View. White House Losing Patience with North Korea. Iranian Supreme Leader Certifies Election Results:  "Allah Voted 50 million times." Banks to Accept Children's Virginity in Lieu of Mortgage Payment. White House Names Czar Czar Baseball Expands Strike Zone to Two Feet in Front of Home Plate. Obama Uses Jedi Mind Trick to Reverse Falling Popularity. Republicans Demand Military Action.  "Old War Getting Boring." Capitol Hill Vandalized by Ghosts of Founding Fathers!!! NASA Cures Insomnia! Fed Taps OJ Simpson to Investigate "The REAL Culprits" Behind Financial Collapse Conservative Talk Radio:  Corporations Selling Employees' Internal Organs "God's Will." The Best News Site EVER! Operation Nark Contest! Al Gore Complains Supporters Making Him Look Stupid. Critical Thinking Declared Mental Disorder. Californians Pose as Illegal Immigrants to Get Affordable Healthcare. Republicans Blame Reckless Living for 60% of Bankrupcies. Congress Places Bill of Rights Up for Auction on EBay. Airport Screener Suspended for "Blatent Friendliness." Peace Offering Backfires!  White House Not Amused by Cambridge Police's Gift of Colt 45 and Ripple. Movie Studios Blame California Wild Fires on File Sharing. Palin Announces Post Gubernatorial Agenda.  "I Will Find Elvis to Help Fight the Zombie Menace!" EPA:  Free Speech Causes Global Warming! Stocks Soar on News of Record Suicide Rate. Congress Bans Ben Gay and Electric Scooters at Town Hall Meetings! Capitol Hill Panic!  Congress Cannot Find Buttocks!  Both Hands and Funnels Prove Ineffective. Republican Healthcare Alternative Composed of Random Twitter Posts! ACORN Releases "Housing Seminars Gone Wild" Promo Video! Administration Assures Allies, "Iranian Nukes Would Only be Used Against Jews." Conservatives Disappointed with Palin Book.  Thought "Going Rogue" Referred to Wearing Underwear. Six Explode After Taking Swine Flu Vaccine! UK Releases All Paedophiles From Prison on Humanitarian Grounds! "Screw Everyone But Me!" to  Replace "In God We Trust." on Dollar Bill. "Who Gives a Crap" Triumphs in Election Returns. Chicago Schools Declare Gang Warfare Intramural Sport. Courts:  Police Authority Can Be Transmitted Via Semen! Department of Homeland Security:  Complete Lack of Ties Between Fort Hood Shooter and Ron Paul "Suspicious." Obama Dejected:  "I Went to Europe for the Olympics, and All I Got Was This Stupid Peace Prize." Pelosi Demands 60,000 Troops in War with Fox News. Congressional Republicans Deny Irrelevancy:  "T*ts on a Bull Would be VERY Useful." Nation Breathes Sigh of Relief.  Abducted Child Actually Some Black Kid. "Where's the Christmas Spirit?"  Retailers Bemoan Decline in Shopping Related Deaths. Yes, Virginia, There is Global Warming. Atheists Announce Santa Alternative.  Godless Joe Will "Amuse and Delight." White House:  Fort Hood Massacre Not Terrorism.  "Simply a Case of Islamic Involuntary Assisted Suicide" Dems Blame Massachusetts Election Results on "Larger Than Average Penis." Schools Urge Expansion of Zero Tolerance Policies. Palin Inspires Tea Party Audience with "Tell Off" Stories. GM Announces the Biodegradable Car. High School Seniors to Receive Valuable Lessons in Bureaucratic Incompetence and Arbitrary Abuse of Power. California Professors Compare 4% Pay Cut to Holocaust Wounded Rapist Demands Tougher Gun Control Laws. Census Bureau Sued for Unfair Labor Practices. Banks Foreclose on Hell!  Satan Moves to Winter Residence at Scientology World Headquarters. Polish President Killed in Foggy Airline Crash!  Polish Joke Council Meets in Emergency Session! “Resist and Refuse” The Health Care Bill: Real Patriots Taking Real Actions Against ObamaCare  LA Neo-Nazis Amuse Protesters with Denials of Closet Homosexuality. Medical Breakthrough!  Airport Full Body Scans Have Effect "Similar to Viagra." Supreme Court Rules Constitution Unconstitutional. Minor Injuries in Pancake House Explosion!  Muslim Saw Image of Muhammad in French Toast Special. US Mint Offers Service Industry State Quarter Collection.  "A Salute to Low Pay, Long Hours, Crappy Benefits, and Non Transferable Skills." Erectile Dysfunction Clinic Cuts Off Man's Legs! Terrorists Win!  Bin Laden "Pleasantly Surprised" with 9-11 Show Trial in New York.
WHAT WE ARE:

The Best News Site EVER! is a satire news site dedicated to exposing the hypocrisy, self serving nature, and general incompetence of the main stream media, our6 elected officials, government bureaucracy, major political parties, and pretty anyone or anything else in a position of authority.  We do not mean to suggest there are not good, dedicated, and effective leaders and organizations out there.  To the contrary, there are many.  However, they never seem to get any attention, and are generally underfunded, ignored, and passed over by their more self serving counterparts.

This site attempts to draw attention to the ubiquitous message shaping that has become the norm in politics and the media.  Facts and issues are no longer as important as the marketability of the soundbite, or the rating generating potential of a story.  Nothing could be more destructive to a free society, and, as current trends suggest, our civil rights are now little more than stumbling blocks to the agendas of the powerful.

This site does not support any political party.  In fact, we rather dislike them all.  While many of the stories are currently aimed at the Democrats in the United States, this is simply because they happen to be in power at the time.  Trust me, the Republicans are just as self serving and hypocritical as the Democrats, and we will do out best to keep it fair.  The current highly polarized nature of politics between right and left is nothing more than a smoke screen created by the political leaderships of both parties and the media to generate campaign contributions and ad revenues from the electorate, and distract people from seeing what our leaders are actually doing. 

The differences between a person who calls themselves a liberal versus one who claims to be a conservative are actually very slight.  Divisive issues pull us apart and put us at each others throats over issues which actually effect very few of us, while our true concerns; paying our bills, building our lives, raising our children, and pursuing whatever we decide makes us happy and content, are largely ignored.  The powerful on both sides are much closer in ideology as well.  However, while normal people share the common goals of happiness, living peacefully, and building fulfilling lives for ourselves and those who come after us, the powerful share the common interest of supporting those who keep them in power, no matter what the cost. 

This site does what the new media should be doing; showing our elected leaders serving themselves and the economic elites rather than those who elected them.  We do what the news media should do.  The only reason we use parody and satire is because in the media makes no efforts to investigate the facts, leaving us no alternative than trying to extrapolate the truth through our leaders previous actions and results of their policies.  We use satire and fiction, because the truth is hardly funny.




WHAT WE ARE NOT:


You have probably ascertained this site has a definite elitist conspiracy edge.  The simple fact is while conspiracy theories run the gambit of almost every form of insanity, there seems to be some truth in them when looking at the trends in our society.  The rich are getting richer at the expense of everyone else.  Our civil rights and freedoms are dwindling away while the power of multi-national corporations and government bureaucracies gain increasing control over our lives.  The powerful commit acts that would send anyone of us to prison, however, they are awarded with cabinet posts.  Our society is being transformed from one of free individuals to one where we are little more than preprogrammed vassals of consumption.  And, the lives of our children are being spent in wars defending corporate profits rather than our homes, lives, and freedom. 

I cannot speculate if there is one overriding "New World Order," or "Illuminati" overseeing and directing these events, or if they are just the natural effects of leaders who care more about enriching themselves with millions from the powerful, but the results are the same.  Something is wrong with our government, media, and society.  And, it is our duty as citizens to research the information needed to force our leaders through the electoral process to do their jobs, and inform others of the same.

That being said, this site is not a playground for every lunatic who thinks we did not land on the moon.

1.  The Holocaust happened.  Millions of Jews were killed by the Nazis along with millions of others.  If your small mind cannot grasp this documented historical fact, we suggest you spend all of your time indoors saluting that one testicled psychopath you love to worship and cease inflicting yourself on others.

2.  The Jews are not to blame for anything.  Neither are Muslims, racial minorities, nor people who speak languages other than English.  Jewish people are people just like everyone else.  Clinging to such reckless hatred is nothing but the product of a limited intellect and a host of mental disorders.  Prozac is cheap...  Use it.  (ADDITION:  Any racist comments made on this site will be deleted and the poster's IP banned without warning.)

3.  9-11 was not a covert action by the CIA, Mossad, ATF, or any other non-Islamic terrorist organization.  In a world where it is patently obvious that government cannot coordinate a walk around the block with any degree of efficiency, the idea that they were able to pull off a covert operation like 9-11, complete with the planned demolition of the World Trade Center is madness.  It is called Occam's Razor; the simplest explanation is aways the right one.  And, in this case, 21 lunatic murders hijacked four plans and flew them into building which were never designed to sustain such impacts. 

4.  Violence in any form will accomplish nothing.  We live in a free, peaceful society, and the only way to maintain that is by remaining free and peaceful.  Resorting to violence will only destroy that which we try to protect.  Civilized human beings seek to make changes in their government and society through open, honest, debate and the electoral process.  This is what separates us from the animals.  If you are one who believes that taking up a weapon in anything but self defense is a rational mode of discourse, then we suggest you point that weapon at yourself...  Who knows, maybe you're right.  (ADDITION:  Any threats of violence made on this site will be reported to the proper authorities.)

5.  In closing, we landed on the moon, the Earth is not hallow or flat, there are no alien corpses at Area 51, and neither President Obama, nor Bush, are the Anti-Christ.  This is a site for normal, thinking adults to have a little fun and think about some very important issues.  Please enjoy it.