Obama Uses Jedi Mind Trick to Reverse Falling Popularity.

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Obama Uses Jedi Mind Trick to Reverse Falling Popularity.






Washington, DC  (BNSE):  In a surprise nationally televised broadcast this afternoon, President Barack Obama attempted to use what insiders describe as "The Jedi Mind Trick" on the American public in an effort to reverse the downward trend in his approval ratings as reported in national opinion polls.


During the press conference, Obama stared intently into the television cameras and said, "You are not unhappy with me...  I am not to blame...  The stimulus is working...  You have enough money to live even without a job...  High taxes and gas prices make it easier to pay your bills..."  He pulled the hood of his brown woven cloak over his head and rushed from the room with a flourish.


Presidential Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, explained to BNSE, "Falling polls leads to low consumer confidence, it does.  Low consumer confidence leads to lower retail sales.  Lower retail sales leads to sagging corporate profits.  Sagging corporate profits leads to SUFFERING.  Think not, feel you must.  Only then economic recovery, there will be."  He then shook his head slowly and made soft grunting noises for several minutes.


Former Vice President, Dick Cheney, mocked Obama's efforts, "To resort to such foolish tricks is an insult to the American people.  He, obviously, does not know the POWER of the Dark Side."


Vice President, Joe Biden, said, "Many people do not believe there is a Force that surrounds and binds us.  This has made many politicians reluctant to use it as a policy tool.  However, as part of our agenda of Change, we relied on many reports that  the Force has a great effect on the weak minded.  We figured there was no better way to appeal to our base." 


BNSE was, apparently unaffected by the mind trick.  However, several White House Press Corps members were spotted hours later in the parking lot typing, "These are not the droids we're looking for," repetitively into their Blackberries.

 

 

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