Baseball Expands Strike Zone to Two Feet in Front of Home Plate.
Baseball Expands Strike Zone to Two Feet in Front of Home Plate.
Cooperstown, NY (BNSE): Major League Baseball Officials announced several exciting new rules changes to the beloved national pass time this morning in a special ceremony at the Baseball Hall of Fame.
Whitey "Spitball" Tibbs, Hall of Fame pitcher and Honorary Spokesman for MLB, opened his statement thanking President Barack Obama for demonstrating the new expanded strike zone, or the "Smart Zone" as it is now known, "President Obama's lightning strike last night was not just a victory for the Administration, but just one more example of how professional baseball is moving into the 21st Century by reflecting the new ideas and values of today. Your granddad's game of baseball; with consistent rules, high standards, and challenging game play is a cumbersome beast of the 20th Century today. Millions of Americans watch a baseball game today and are shocked that a guy gets out after he tried really hard, and how the team with the most runs is deemed 'the winner.' It is almost like they are watching cricket or something in a foreign language. They just cannot understand it. The Smart Zone and other rule enhancements will guarantee that baseball will be as much a part of tomorrow as it was yesterday."
In addidtion to the strike zone beginning roughly two feet in front of home plate, and several feet to either side, other rule changes include:
1. Players with "inspiring personal stories" will automatically get to first base.
2. Intentionally throwing a pitch at any player making more than $10 million a year is allowed, and will count as two outs.
3. Teams will receive one run per game for each homosexual, transgendered, or alternative lifestyle practicing member on the starting roster.
4. As soon as any team attains a four or more run lead in a game, the game will be halted and declared a tie.
In addidtion to the strike zone beginning roughly two feet in front of home plate, and several feet to either side, other rule changes include:
1. Players with "inspiring personal stories" will automatically get to first base.
2. Intentionally throwing a pitch at any player making more than $10 million a year is allowed, and will count as two outs.
3. Teams will receive one run per game for each homosexual, transgendered, or alternative lifestyle practicing member on the starting roster.
4. As soon as any team attains a four or more run lead in a game, the game will be halted and declared a tie.
President Obama Demonstrates Smart Zone Strike.
The old strike zone, or "Dumb Zone," Demonstrated by Former President Bush.
BSNE NOTE: Former President Bush Faces Possible Indictment for Throwing This Pitch.
