NASA Cures Insomnia!

Houston, TX  (BNSE):   NASA officials trumpeted what they call "The Space Agency's Latest Triumph" after reports of millions being bored into unconsciousness while watching coverage of the latest International Space Station mission circulated on the Internet.  According to reports, some viewers fell asleep within 10 minutes of viewing mission coverage, while others lasted up to 45 minutes.  The average time before the mind numbing coverage lulled viewers into a near catatonic stupor was approximately 23 minutes, even among those interested in the sciences.  BNSE has learned reports of a Minnesota man enduring six hours of continuous coverage as inaccurate; the reported gentleman was confirmed to be dead.  NASA contends the connection between boredom and death have never been confirmed in scientific studies.

A spokesman from NASA's Space Center Huston said, "Just 40 years ago, NASA made 'One Giant Leap For Mankind,' when Apollo 11 touched down on the surface of the Moon.  Today we have made an even greater leap with the development of a non-pharmaceutical 100% effective sleeping aide.  Some like to call the International Space Station a dangerous multi-billion dollar waste of time.  However, I like to think of it as a dangerous multi-billion dollar sleeping pill.

"Sleep deprivation and fatigue are one of the greatest health threats facing people in the industrialized world today.  40 years ago, NASA was, unfortunately, responsible for people around the world missing sleep watching 24 hour Moon Landing coverage, countless hours of lost productivity as friends, family and coworkers discussed the triumph of the human spirit, and an incalculable loss of focus as people stopped worrying about their daily lives and dreamed of their children living among the stars.  Today, I stand here before you amazed at how far we have come.  Just 40 short years later, NASA is telling the world, 'Rest up, get back to work, nothing is happening here.'  What a great day to be alive."

The spokesman later confided to BNSE his favorite part of the Space Station Mission coverage was the 15 hour "Astronaut Tests Out Space Screwdriver Marathon."  "Yeah, it was great.  I watched this guy hold the screwdriver and look at it for a while, and then twist it.  Then he looked at it some more.  I had some of the best sleep of my life after that.  When I woke up six hours later, there was the same guy, and sure enough...  There he was, looking at the screwdriver and then twisting it...  Looking at the screwdriver and twisting it.  I fell right back to sleep!"

In other developments, NASA defended the erasure of the original Moon Landing recording tapes from the Johnson Space Center.  According to a press release, the Moon Landing tapes were erased and recorded over as part of a cost cutting move in the mid 1970's.  However, NASA maintains the 16 episodes of "Three's Company" saved on the tapes "are timeless, too."

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