Californians Pose as Illegal Immigrants to Get Affordable Healthcare.

Sacramento, CA  (BNSE): An independent accounting firm contracted by the state of California to investigate billions of dollars spent in the public heathcare sector released its findings earlier today.  In what has been described as "a shock," the study concluded millions of legal California residents are impersonating illegal immigrants at local hospitals in order to gain access to affordable healthcare services.

According to the study, investigators where first alerted to the fraud by the "astronomical increase in sombrero sales in virtually all cities in California."  Increases of 1500 to 2200% were reported in communities as far flung as San Diego to Eureka, a level unseen this many days away from Cinco de Mayo in over 40 years.  "It was obvious something out of the ordinary was occurring," said one investigator, who wished to remain unidentified because he is now impersonating an illegal immigrant himself so he can afford to have a hiatal hernia repaired.  "Our investigation led to several local emergency rooms where we observed a literal sea of sombreros in the waiting rooms worn by people completely unable to speak Spanish."

The investigator added, "The cost of healthcare for a legal American citizen is astronomical.  Not only must you pay hundreds of dollars a month for insurance, if you're lucky to have it, but co-pays, deductibles, and hidden costs and expenses the insurance companies refuse to pay that are then passed on to the patient.  Then there are the prescription costs...  Damn!  Most insurance prescription formularies list any drug developed since 1970 as 'high tier coverage,' so getting anything above an aspirin can cost hundreds.  A few years ago, I went to the doctor for headaches, and he wanted to prescribe me an antihistamine.  However, according to my insurance plan, I only qualified for 'blood letting.'  In contrast, state law requires these costs be paid by the state.  Personally, I don't understand why people have not picked up on this sooner."

BNSE's own investigation verified the results of the study.  J. Trevor "Chi Chi" Whitherspoon, an investment banker from a Los Angeles, said, "Me no speakee Ingles!  Ha, ha, ha...  Works every time.  It also works at the dentist!"

Walter "Mi Loco Gato" Cunningham, a Silicon Valley software engineer, remembered several close calls where is legal status was almost uncovered.  "I was at the emergency room after I cut my finger mowing the hedges at my house when a state case worker stopped in to see me.  I think she noticed that most of my Spanish came from watching 'Speedy Gonzales' cartoons.  Fortunately, I had my trusty sombrero which I pulled down over my ears and began shouting, 'Ei! Ei! Ei!'  This ruse probably would have not worked with a nurse, but with the case worker being a typical state employee, she did not really give a crap and just moved on."

Advocates for immigrant rights expressed outrage at the widespread scam.  "These benefits were intended for illegal immigrants and their families.  These tax paying Americans have no right to access these services when they could go out and pay thousands of dollars for the same care.  This practice is as unethical as it is illegal.  Where's law enforcement on this?  They just let anyone wearing a sombrero walk into an emergency room like they own the place.  They need to round these people up and send them back to where the came from.  Put them in trucks and drop them back off at their Primary Care Physician's office where they can pay a co-pay to get a referral to see a specialist, where they can pay another co-pay to get a referral to see another specialist, and on and on until months later they get their illness addressed.  That's the way it's SUPPOSED to work in America."

Actual illegal immigrants took a milder tone toward the impersonators.  "It's fine with me," said a 20-something, self identified, illegal immigrant.  He stopped briefly from cutting the grass at the Governor's Mansion and posed a more serious question, "I can understand why they do it, we all just want to survive and support our families.  I'll never criticise someone for doing what they need to do.  But why the sombreros?  I'm Mexican and do not own a sombrero!  Neither does anyone I know!  Why don't they carry around bongos and sing "Babalu?"

In related news, a startling increase in "junior sized sombreros" is leading many public education officials to fear "a wave of impostor illegal immigrant children attempting to get access to free public education."