Administration Assures Allies, "Iranian Nukes Would Only be Used Against Jews."

Washington, DC  (BNSE): White House and State Department Officials blitzed the diplomatic arenas this weekend in an all out offensive to reassure America's strategic security partners in Europe.  The move was initiated in response to the allies' alleged shock and concern at the Administration's dual moves to enter talks with Iran while at the same time as dropping plans to deploy missile defense systems in Eastern Europe.  The State Department was adamant in its message to the allies; the move was not one of appeasement, but just one part of a well thought out, coordinated, change in policy direction that would lead to a new road map to peace.

According to a high ranking State Department spokesman, "Many of our allies in Europe see illogical connections between the Administration's efforts to bring rouge nations to the negotiating table and forge new partnerships with Russia with the appeasement policies of Neville Chamberlain in the pre-World War II era.  We are working diligently to teach our allies that this is a new age with new security priorities.  These priorities cannot be advanced with military buildups and aggressive, inflammatory, rhetoric; but, only through engagement and negotiation.  International peace cannot be advanced by protecting ourselves with a strong national defense or developing and deploying robust defense systems targeted at counteracting the legitimate threats posed by real threats, but by trusting our safety to those who have the lease interest in seeing it preserved.

"While the  threat posed by the Iranian nuclear missile program cannot be ignored, we must also acknowledge that their technology is still in its infancy.  Even if the Islamic Republic develops nuclear warheads, the Administration firmly believes Iran will keep to its word and not use them against our allies in Europe.  Rather, they would more than likely be used to simply wipe Israel off the map in a sea of nuclear fire.  So, even in the worse case scenario, we would simply be trading a conflict for a far away country between people of whom we know nothing in order to gain peace in our time."

The Obama Administration stressed the need to take a more global, nuanced, view of the spirit of change in international security and foreign policy in light of new 21st Century priorities, "The Administration cannot stress enough the absolute need to improve America's image abroad, particularly in the Islamic world.  This theme has been the major focus of this Administration's foreign policy, and it will remain so in the future.

"Our research has shown conclusively, that if the United States was to permit Iran to destroy Israel in an all out nuclear strike, America's 'favorable' ratings in public opinion polls of the Arab street would increase at least three to five percentage points.  This is, indeed, a small price to pay to undo the damage done to America's credibility and impression abroad done by the Bush Administration."

The Administration spokesperson concluded by saying, "Israel deserves whatever it gets.  They have been nothing but a road block to Mid East peace with their maniacal obsession with maintaining the only functional democracy and free society in the region, and tend to be greedy, overly shrewd, too nit-picky at restaurants, and secretly kidnap gentile babies and use their blood to make matzah bread."

The Administration spokesman urged all critics of this new policy to "go call their mothers."  He then left the podium laughing.

© 2009 Best News Site EVER!

www.best-news-site-ever.com