Obama Dejected: "I Went to Europe for the Olympics, and All I Got Was This Stupid Peace Prize."
Obama Dejected: "I Went to Europe for the Olympics, and All I Got Was This Stupid Peace Prize."
Washington, DC (BNSE): White House insiders admitted under condition of anonymity that Presidential Advisers were actively consoling and supporting a dejected President Obama. According to these sources, the President "went into a snit" after he was awaken to the news that he was awarded the Nobel Peace Price. Advisers are currently attempting to convince the President, apparently still upset over Chicago not being awarded the 2016 Summer Olympic Games despite his personal intervention, "To put the best face on it." Additionally, the advisers are assuring the President that, "The Nobel Peace Prize is good, too."
Sources close to the President confided with BNSE that the President's first impression of the honor was less than enthusiastic. "The Nobel Peace Prize? Who gives a sh*t about that," the insider quoted the President. Allegedly, the President continued to rant, "What the hell? We're going to have the 2016 Peace Prize Games in Chicago, now? That's just f**king stupid."
White House Advisers were hoping the President's attitude toward the honor would improve as the morning progressed and he had a cup of coffee. However, according to these sources, it did not. Eye witnesses report the President yelling down the hallway of the Presidential residence to the First Lady, "Hey Michelle! I just won the Nobel Peace Prize... Yeah... Big f**king deal. Guess we'll have to add that to the 'Who Gives a Sh*t' page on the website."
Additionally, the President was unimpressed with being included in the list as past dignitaries who received the Award. "Jimmy Carter? That peanut growing loser? Didn't Reagan treat him like Mike Tyson's sparring partner? Yeah, I think I need more people comparing me to him... Not enough of that already. And, Yassir Arafat? Isn't he the terrorist who died of AIDS? Yeah... Glad to be lumped in with him, too... Yeah... Good times..." The President concluded his tirade by walking about the Oval Office in a Frankenstein-like fashion, saying, "Hi, I'm Al Gore. Hi, I'm Al Gore. Hi, I'm Al Gore."
Other advisers suggested to the President that perhaps the Peace Prize was awarded as a kind of consolation prize for not getting the Olympics, and perhaps he should be happy that the move shows European elites care about his feelings. Again, the President was not impressed, "Then why could they not have sent me a fruit basket or something I could USE? I mean I gave the Queen of England an I-Pod full of my speeches... I would have like to get that. But, noooooooo! I get a stupid Peace Prize. You know, did they even stop for a minute to think that if I wanted an award I would have done SOMETHING TO DESERVE IT??? That's like getting a Pulitzer for not writing a book... Damn."
White House Spokespeople denied claims the Prize was awarded for Obama not fullfilling a veiled threat of launching a tactical nuclear strike on Capenhagen if Chicago was not awarded the 2016 games. According to the Spokesman, this threat was never made since it was determined "it was not in accordance with the Spirit of the Games."
In late news, the President is reported as "making progress toward accepting the Award," merely saying "Whatever," to anyone who congratulates him, rather than throwing items off his desk.
Sources close to the President confided with BNSE that the President's first impression of the honor was less than enthusiastic. "The Nobel Peace Prize? Who gives a sh*t about that," the insider quoted the President. Allegedly, the President continued to rant, "What the hell? We're going to have the 2016 Peace Prize Games in Chicago, now? That's just f**king stupid."
White House Advisers were hoping the President's attitude toward the honor would improve as the morning progressed and he had a cup of coffee. However, according to these sources, it did not. Eye witnesses report the President yelling down the hallway of the Presidential residence to the First Lady, "Hey Michelle! I just won the Nobel Peace Prize... Yeah... Big f**king deal. Guess we'll have to add that to the 'Who Gives a Sh*t' page on the website."
Additionally, the President was unimpressed with being included in the list as past dignitaries who received the Award. "Jimmy Carter? That peanut growing loser? Didn't Reagan treat him like Mike Tyson's sparring partner? Yeah, I think I need more people comparing me to him... Not enough of that already. And, Yassir Arafat? Isn't he the terrorist who died of AIDS? Yeah... Glad to be lumped in with him, too... Yeah... Good times..." The President concluded his tirade by walking about the Oval Office in a Frankenstein-like fashion, saying, "Hi, I'm Al Gore. Hi, I'm Al Gore. Hi, I'm Al Gore."
Other advisers suggested to the President that perhaps the Peace Prize was awarded as a kind of consolation prize for not getting the Olympics, and perhaps he should be happy that the move shows European elites care about his feelings. Again, the President was not impressed, "Then why could they not have sent me a fruit basket or something I could USE? I mean I gave the Queen of England an I-Pod full of my speeches... I would have like to get that. But, noooooooo! I get a stupid Peace Prize. You know, did they even stop for a minute to think that if I wanted an award I would have done SOMETHING TO DESERVE IT??? That's like getting a Pulitzer for not writing a book... Damn."
White House Spokespeople denied claims the Prize was awarded for Obama not fullfilling a veiled threat of launching a tactical nuclear strike on Capenhagen if Chicago was not awarded the 2016 games. According to the Spokesman, this threat was never made since it was determined "it was not in accordance with the Spirit of the Games."
In late news, the President is reported as "making progress toward accepting the Award," merely saying "Whatever," to anyone who congratulates him, rather than throwing items off his desk.
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