Pelosi Demands 60,000 Troops in War with Fox News.

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Pelosi Demands 60,000 Troops in War with Fox News.


Bring Me O'Reilly's Testicles in a Box!

 

 

Washington, DC  (BNSE): House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, surprised Pentagon officials today with her call for the addition of 60,000 American military troops to join the White House's announced war on Fox News.


At an early morning news conference, Pelosi claimed the idea was not hers.  "My aides told me that Pentagon officials were already requesting the troops to help win the war, and that if they do not get the needed support, then there is a chance the war will be lost.  I cannot think of a greater calamity that could effect our country, and it must be prevented at all costs.  That is why I am endorsing the plea of the Pentagon for these needed forces, and urging the White House to approve the measure.  We must use all the resources of the United States of America to rid the world of the Fox News scourge."


Reporters asked Pelosi if, perhaps, she was referring to the request by military commanders on the ground in Afghanistan for additional troops.  Pelosi appeared puzzled by the question, "We're still fighting in Afghanistan?  I thought we already gave up on that war.  I know I've lost interest in it, so why bother talking about it?  Are the Taliban going on television every day and actually insinuating there might be opposing view points to the opinions of the President and his Congress?  How is Al-Qaeda obstructing this nation's march to nationalized health care, the value added tax, and cap and trade programs?  Are terrorists preventing the American people from getting the government they need no matter what the cost?  Questions like that are what got Fox News in trouble.  So, I was you, I'd shut up, get with the program, and realign my priorities to what the real threats to America are."


Aides to Speaker Pelosi released a statement later in the day assuring the media that "The War in Afghanistan, and all operations by the United States in the Conflict Formerly Known as the War on Terror, would again become a top issue if a Republican was ever to become President."


Fox News supporters expressed dismay at the prospect of the news network facing American military forces.  "What am I going to do with out Fox News' three news headlines and 27 special features on "Pop Tarts," hard hitting exposés what the stars of my favorite '70's sitcoms are doing, and little naughty tips about sex," worried one Fox fan.  "I must know whether or not Pamela Anderson has a child slave!" shouted another Fox viewer.  "What am I going to do?  All Glenn Beck has is a black board!  How am is he going to stop advanced munitions?"  The viewer broke down into tears, "I don't think I'll ever see another star without makeup."


News Corp, parent company of Fox News, assured concerned fans they are well equipped to fend off any military attack.  "Already we are making plans for an aggressive program of 'Simpson's' reruns, several new reality shows, and perhaps even an updated version of 'Married with Children.'  We feel confident that after a few new episodes of 'Family Guy,' most of the troops will be lulled into a semi-conscious state, rendering them unfit of combat."


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